Now what?

Nirvana is an old idea.

Breaking Stereotypes

So M! has tagged me again to shake me out of my laziness! :-) And I am happy to take up this tag.

This one is about lisitng your sins agasint gender sereotypes.

This tag requires you to list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done that your gender is not supposed to.

Now, this one’s difficult! I am a good girl and I don’t like to sin. It’s the wrong shape and size of mind that does it… not my waistline, mind you… that finds it difficult to fit into this stereotypical mould created for a woman.

Here’s my list of sins:

1. I do not flutter my eyes and charm guys. 

2. I am not high on gossip. I prefer facts!

3. I CAN and DO find other women pretty, atractive, or HOT!

4. I wear clothes for comfort. Fashion is second.

5. I find decking up myself in front of the mirror for hours very cheap.

6. I do not wear rings, ear rings, trinkets etc etc. Less is more.

7. I am not shy. I blabber when I have to make a point.

8. I am more than my clothes, my shoes, my hand bags, and my non-existant make up.

9. I do NOT find every second guy good looking or attractive. Most are infact duh!

10. I am really more about ‘me’ and less about my gender.

You are all tagged. Go, BREAK THE RULES!!!

Where are you? Where am I?

From where I sit, the sun looks lovely, offering me my only dose of requisite peace. Boredom has caught on to me real tight. And interesting is walking a different alley. The world is sepia, my word for drab.

My fingers have swollen with fat, losing the rhythm with their divinity. And my mind, a lazy slave!

The hope in my heart vacillates. There are memories of dancing in the music. There are colors. There is pure joy. There are the diminishing lights. There is the drab sky.

Why don’t you tell me where are you? And where am I?

Dear G,

Thanks for being kind, forgiving and absorbing my bad.

With lots of gratitude and admiration,

Me.

Happy Tag:-)

Thanks M! for tagging. Here I am!:-)

1. What is your current obsession?
Jehovah :-)

2. What is your weirdest obsession?
Going out:ppp

3. What are you wearing today?
Happiness

4. What’s for dinner?
Chinese at Moet’s or Lebanese at Shalom, a great conversation with a dear friend and loads of smiles.

5. What’s the last thing you bought?
Rakhis

6. What are you listening to right now?
Yeh Mera Diwanapan from Namesake and a heart beat.

7. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Creative, funny, honest, very kind! And with lots of panache and a mind-blowing attitude… :-)

8. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Paris or New York. Or in the mountains.

9. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Cottons, lots of light-colored tees, flip-flops:-), soft pyjamas, and fresh fragrances.

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
In my Tai chi class.

11. Which language do you want to learn?
Of happiness and love. Haha!
Nah, some French maybe.

12. What’s your favorite quote?

13. Who do you want to meet right now?
God and his angels.

14. What is your favorite color?
Pink, blue, purple and Black.

15. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
My black batik skirt with a pink ribbon.

16. What is your dream job?
Hotelier

17. What’s your favorite magazine?
First City

18. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
A Spa

19. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Very-low necklines revealing bizarre tattoos on women’s chests.

20. Who are your style icons?
I like Kate Winslet’s personal style and Nicole Kidman’s charms. Monica Bellucci was a stunner in matrix. Manisha and Kareena in non-glamorous roles like Bombay, dil se and Ashoka. I admire Kangana Ranaut for the way she carries her hair. Priyanka Gandhi is chic with her cotton saris.

21. Describe your personal style.
Free-flowing, straight from the heart!

22. What are you going to do after this?
Look at my eyes in the mirror.

23. What are your favorite movies?
I loooovvvveeee chick-flicks, romantic comedies. Notting Hill, My best friend’s wedding…
Man, I am a waste:-))))

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?
Can live without all of these. But I like Clinique’s Happy in Bloom, Davidoff’s cool water and a lip balm.

25. What inspires you?
Dreams and love.

26. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
Good and comfortable shoes/heels.
A head wash and a nice fragrance.
Being Me! And wearing clothes that merge with me (mostly black).

27. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Cry and crib:-). Go out for my last-minute shopping. Buy something bizarre and then cry some more. Eventually, become comfortable and carry it with all the panache I can :ppp

28. Coffee or tea?
Both.

29. Dreams or reality?
Dreams into reality:-)

The rules: Respond and rework – answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other people.

Tagging G, Ish, and Shabina.

I am amiss these days. I do not view myself completely. Few times, I glimpse reflections of me in other people. It’s in their words, acts and gestures or in the absence of these in them. I find myself disappointed.

A Different Loop...

Is where I am these days.

State of mind: Ambivalent

Tagged again:-)

Dear M!,

Thanks for tagging me and for so much more:-)))
Here are my answers...

I am: many!

I think: there is so much beauty in the world, sometimes I cannot take it in!

I know: myself like no one else does.

I want: much, again.

I have: some of the most beautiful people in my life, their kindness and thoughtfulmness reinforces my belief in life and in God.

I wish: for the moon… :( and so much more lately.

I hate: much in me. The rest don’t matter!

I miss: some things very very much!

I fear: to see the ones I love in pain. It’s killing.

I hear: more than is being said. Less than what is being spoken.

I smell: lovely. Thanks G, for the new fragrance:-) It's going to be with me for a while.

I crave: for the simple and the minimalist.

I search: all around. I am not sure if I will ever find it.

I wonder: about people and life all the damn time.

I regret: lots!

I love: easily.

I ache: the most in my heart!

I was not: born only to live by the norms. I have a mind that I can exercise.

I am not: fond of chinese anymore.

I cry: when inside is up to the brim already.

I believe: that everything dies and renews to another shape, another form, and in another time. That love and compassion is the greatest of all. I believe in The Big Bang Theory, that we all came from one source and we are all moving apart. That nothing is forever. I believe in Karma and in God.

I dance: to immerse in music, merge with my surroundings and then be one with everyone and everything. I dance to intoxicate my senses.

I sing: not even when I am alone.

I read to: Get wings. To transcend to another time, another world, another life. To get props for a new act. To tease my senses, soothe and tickle them and learn of new sensations.

I don't always: remain the same. I am in or I am out. I am high or I am low. I am up or I am down.

I fight: and I feel guilty.

I write: to let out and let go, to reconnect, to understand and reassure. Sometimes, I simply scribble.

I win: Nah, I lose… always!

I lose: myself in parts and sometimes completely.

I never: say forever, anymore.

I always: wear my hair wherever I go.

I confuse: myself the most.

I listen: poorly. I interrupt instead.

I can usually be found: in my shell or when I am out, wandering.

I am scared of: people and ghosts, life and death, attachment and then detachment.

I need: love all the damn time!

I am happy: when I see lights. Like on a busy road in the night and I am out there in the open, watching cars zoom by, their lights flashing on me. When I am in love or I am loved! When I travel to meet places, understand their history, befriend their people and start a relationship for a lifetime. When who I am doesn’t matter and the one who I am with doesn’t frikking care, when the surroundings act as a beautiful backdrop and everything else is perfectly facilitating our existence in that moment and when the world begins to feel as one.

I imagine: myself in long hair and maroon robes.

I Tag: G, where ever you are.

Epiphany

Dear G,

I dont know why but I need to tell you this that I do have faith in you.

Love,
Me.

Butterfly

Sketched this at work today. Am adding this lil juvenile-sort of a poem titled 'Butterfly' that I wrote more than 3 years ago.


















Here it goes:

She’s raw,
She's so true

She’ll wriggle,
Out of her cocoon

She’ll grow her wings,
She’ll be beautiful

She’ll flap her wings,
And break through.

This sketch and the poem take me back in time and I am reminded of all the numerous experiences that stirred me up enough to create a certain kind of chaos that eventually led/is leading to a spill-out of much that was/has been in excess and gave/is giving way for some new.

The journey forward feels beautiful now! Cause am also begining to adopt and love the new:-)

Keep smiling, keep shining...

Dear Sandy,

Thanks for writing this lil poem to pep me up.
You sure are a poet, my friend:-)))) and a funny one at that!

Dont dwell in the past,
It just wasnt meant to last!

Ur a great girl
even though
sometimes life is a bit of a twirl!

I wanna see u like u were
- like u used to be,
with tht sparkle and shine in ur eye
and to see u spread ur wings n fly.

Thankyewwwwwwwww!!!
You know, you beat me with all your affection, love and care:-)))) for all of us.

Love always,
A crazy 'Me'

Threshold of moksha!

So am told this is my last birth.

And thereafter, I shall vanish forever.

Hmm... So with this url, dint you just know it all!

Slivers

Ber Sarai Red Light

I am not certain if I enjoy crossing it every day. There is this bunch of young girls holding small kids in their laps, latching on to each car that halts and showering the drivers with compliments while begging for some money. Ameena would exchange a few words with me when ever the traffic light would permit. I liked her. She had these deep-borwn piercing eyes and a fiery smile. I wanted to capture it! I went looking for her the other day and the younger girls told me “Shaadi ho gayi uski!” I so hope that is true an she hasn’t been sold off.

Is flesh more beautiful than the soul???

NAB

I was visitng NAB for the first time and could not find my way. I called up S, the guy I was supposed to meet. He sounded vague! He just could not explain. He even asked two more people for the directions and even that did not help. Any way, I decided to help myself and reached NAB just in time. The receptionist was blind. Nevertheless, she gave me directions to reach S who was to help me with the recordings. He gave me a broad smile and said ‘hi!’ and apologized for his inability to help me with the directions.

The blind know their destination in their heart and use their instincts to reach there!
Sad, I still don’t where I am going most times.

8th floor, Gurgaon

We always hit it off very well with each other! I like S and B immensely.

I don’t believe in soul connections and the sort but we connected beautifully that day at a level which always made me feel secure. Still does! We opened up our lives and shared some of our recent experiences. S looked lovely and inspiring as she went on to explain the powers we hold within. The atmosphere got so charged! I got goose bumps. She explained about the art of living and how god designs these hurdles for us. We suffer to grow. And sometimes God answers our prayers. There are miracles! They happen! S had twins. She recently lost one of them.

Ram mandir

I cannot bear the site of looking at those gates anymore. It pains me. And I feel scared to even peep at the depth of sorrow in you.

I just want you to know I love you… very much.

VV

I remember writing that little poem for M and putting it in a frame. It was just a simple activity to please her and nothing more. Yes, sisters are god’s most precious gift! This I know because I miss M like crazy!

To be continued...

Strange Enchantments...

Strange enchanment lies in the moonlight,
Strange enchanment lies in your eyes.

When the moon has gone,
It will be dawn.

We will go on living apart,
And I will go on thinking about you,
With a strange enchanment in my heart.

Thanks V! for writing this poem on the book you gave me that beautiful moonlit night:-) And ditto!

*I really dont remember you giving me this sweet poem some 14 years ago.
But I do and will always appreciate all the love.*

Tagged from A - Z

Thanks for tagging me, M! :-)
Here are my answers.

A -Available?
No, I am busy!

B-Best friend:
Sheena

C-Cake or Pie?
Chocolate truffle cake

D-Drink of choice:
Water with loads of ice, Hot chocolate, Ginnger Fizz

E-Essential things used everyday:
Glasses and my car

F-Favourite colour:
Black and deep red

G-Gummi bears or worms:
Neither

H-Hometown:
I still love...

I-Indulgence:
Just got done with one. On a break now.

J-January or February:
Both

K-Kids and names:
You have to like all of them eventually.

L-Life:
Is full of unnecessary games. And they scare me no more.

M-Marriage date:
Am still on the calculator.

N-Number of siblings:
2

O-Oranges or apples:
Neither

P-Phobias:
Lizards, underwater, prolonged solitude

Q-Quote:
They are all situational and hence, mostly meaningless!

R-Reason to smile:
Give me one?

S-Season:
Winter and rains

T-Tag three people:
Nazu, Gopal and I

U-Unknown fact(s) about me:
I thought I was done. I may have a re-think.

V-Vegetable you do not like:
Tomatoes.

W-Worst habit:
Is on a big list that I seem to have kept somewhere and forgotten.

X-x-rays you have had:
No, I spared them!

Y-Your favorite food:
None at the moment.

Z-Zodiac:
Scorpio

Both Sides Now

Katty sent this song today saying that listening to it reminded him of me. (Dunno why and how! Crazy, he is, and such a sweetheart!)

Thanks much Katty!
I cant clearly express how I feel. But I am sure I want to keep it with me forever.
So, here I blog it!



Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

I think I have a problem.
I am deeply attracted to people in pain.

Is this the end...

Wish you smiles all through 2008:-)

2007 is gone. It was exactly as my forecast on Cainer described it:

Comet McNaught may this year, live right up to its name and bring you plenty of nothing. Much, at the end of the year, may remain as it was at the beginning - in the physical sense. In between the two times, though, you look set to be taken on one heck of a journey during which major attitudes alter for evermore.

I am glad I lived through 2007. Yes, my status quo is the same. Nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing! It was not one of those drastic years where everything goes topsy-turvy and you are lost amidst too much. It was also not one of those years where things hit you with a bang and you are open to some crazy realizations that challenge your beliefs. It was not about surviving a life altering experience but settling in to a somewhat altered domain that was thrust on to you from somewhere, somehow. It was about realizing the spaces, wondering about their vastness, filling them up in a mad rush, and then abhorring it all. It was about moving away, only to socialize with the self. It was about re-examining the filled-up spaces, realizing the sin of indulging in excess and depriving others in need. It was about a sudden mad desire to wipe off everything so that it could be filled up with beauty. It was all about filling up the bottle and then emptying it!

I feel nice about starting a new year. I have a few resolutions. I am working on them:-)

I wish everyone a grand 2008. If you are looking for any kind of change, I feel you can achieve it!

Love,

Me:-)

Limbo...

There have been no new experiences, no indulgence in interesting activities, nothing to talk about really. I have learnt nothing new. I did read a book and a statement in it captured all my attention.
‘Will is Force’

Force reminds me of Newton, always!

According to his first law of motion:
Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

Hell, I need a will to change. And I don’t get it!