Morphing thru time.....

No updates, random or otherwise.....
Nothing to cheer about,
No reason to celebrate
Nor the will to put you down.

No questions,
No doubts.
No why did you,
followed by your lies.

No memories…..
No tears, no smiles.
I am simply.....
morphing through time!!!

Nothing Else Matters!!!

Am not the kind who’s gonna keep a check on her emotions, and control the most innocent and simplest of my desires.

I mean, what the heck am I living for????

Yep you hear people talk of right living, right blah blah…. Is there really any of it???? Does anyone around us ever seem to be practicing it…. And if at all, are they happy and leading the lives they want to????? And I am not talking of ethics and values here…. It’s about the very basic expressions and emotions….

I have never understood, Why is it wrong to just say it when you love someone… And why is it such a flaw to rebel for a cause…. I mean, we are all humans for heavens sake….. And we are all here to explore….. Discover…self discover…..

But yeah all said and done….Contrary to my beliefs….. Emotions vanish and numbness prevails Naaaaah….emotions NEVVVVERRRRRRRR help!!!! And Expressions make it worse….

The moment you tell someone you love them, And you reeeeaaaaalllllllllly love them….. They’ve packed their bags and are set on an ego trip….. And you are reduced to this insignificant miniscule of a thing…. Everyone hates you and condemns you anyway, they can’t stand the dare and the mind that speaks you…..

And slowly you detest you for being you…

Every bond hurts,

Memories pain

As you wipe them off forever…

You lock and dump all emotions…

And forgetting them seems better.

Life is confusing at times!!! You don’t know where you hailed from… And where you are heading and All this to and fro… Can throw you off the hook…. You try endlessly to be all in control….And you are this indifferent being… You can’t handle it another time… And you better be on guard…. So what….you are only a bit lifeless!!! But you are at peace…..

Do you know? No matter how hard you try, Someone would come your way, Reconstruct that lost belief…. Throw you off guard… And you are all set to oscillate once again…… And this time your emotions would be wild, Like they are dancing on a trapezium…..As they get that extra push from the invisible springs within….

You would say what you don’t mean to say, Or you’d say everything and anything.....And mean to say… You have nothing to rely on…Your experiences are lost, Your beliefs don’t exist…… No one understands you…. Cause you don’t understand yourself anymore….

Honey, this is life…… And there’s everyone….. And there’s one you!!!! You and they… Get tested and tormented everyday…… The stronger you are…. Harder the blow… Don’t build façades and don’t lock up you…..And dare you even doubt yourself……..you are god’s gift to you….

It’s okay to be crazy sometimes…. And it’s okay to be broken…. Trapeziums can be fun…And oscillations can lead some place new.. Every day is a lesson and ....Silly, every day is a new you :-)))))

Girl Interrupted!!!

Was I ever crazy?
Maybe.........
Or maybe life is...
Crazy isn't being broken.....
or swallowing a dark secret....
It's you or me amplified!!!

- Sussana Kaysen (Girl interrupted!!!)

The Butterfly Effect!!! (I stole your title....but I needed it)

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked Sita. She simply smiled. I repeated my question and she started to blurt out something. I was already lost in my own thoughts by then, oblivious to what was happening around me.

It seemed like a while ago when he had entered into my life. Eight months and twenty two days to be precise. I did not want a new entrant who could potentially disturb the harmony that I had created around me. He was different; he did not follow a methodology. He had seen me somewhere and he later revealed that he had felt an instant connection. He simply had to pursue this. I did not know if I could consider myself lucky or just go with the flow. I did not make a choice; I just went with the flow.

We exchanged the stories of our life and indulged in endless discussions. Our discussions varied from our childhood stories, family pressures on our choice of our careers and so on. We also discussed our past relationships and our varied experiences resulting from it. Our conversations moved on from sharing aspects of ourselves as we gradually started to talk about our daily routines. We often had a lot of brick bating sessions on some of our common acquaintances followed by mindless conversations to make the other laugh. It was a perfect friendship.

Can perfection be attained?
I think perfection is an ongoing process and we are always striving for it.
It’s like diabetes. You have to maintain the right levels of sugar in order to be fit.
In fact, perfection has to be maintained once something beautiful has been created. Perfection is a relative concept and it is defined distinctly by the individual mind.

Sadly, the definitions of perfection for both of us varied. We reached a state of equilibrium, but always drifted as we lacked clarity of each others expectations. My extreme emotions of love and hate disturbed us immensely which resulted from my lack of clarity. Yet, we always got back together as if we were tied to each other by an umbilical chord leading to an eternal connection.

Perfection doesn’t last forever. So didn’t our perfect friendship. Were we ever perfect? Is perfection defined by design of one’s destiny? Can we create perfection? According to the Bhagwad Gita, everything we experience is specially designed for us to become better human beings and understand the purpose of our life. Have I understood the purpose of my life and have I become a better human being? Or am I going to be more cynical with each passing day as all the perfection goes down the drain? I don’t know.
Life is a chaos!

Ram entered the class. He threw a chalk at me. I came back to the real world and I looked at Sita who was smiling innocently.

Then my eyes met the butterfly drawn on the board, as Ram went on to explain,

“We think we live in a chaos and perhaps we will never understand the dynamics of it. The truth is that there is no such thing as chance, but patterns we can’t understand. A flapping of a small Butterfly’s wing in the west can cause a tornado in the east. We may spend our entire life wondering what caused it. Chaos has its way; everything and everyone will find their true course.”

IRIS!!!

Pyre!!!

(As written more than 14 years ago!!!)
When I was up in the heaven,
I asked God one day,
Give me a Body,
A companion;
To be with me,
My Soul

I came down to this earth,
To love life -
With my Beautiful body
And my Soul

I scarred my body
And slashed it;
Granted I took it for

Then one fine day,
I begged God,
To call me,
To give me death

And when I finally died -
My ugly Body burnt,
And all that was left of me,
Was my Beautiful Soul!!!

A few Random and Volatile Thoughts

I have been spending a lot of time off late,
wondering why people around me are sometimes so willing
to make others happy,
make them feel loved........

Why do they want others to feel positive, more driven, feel alive and so on......
Is it for themselevs or is it really the others????
What should one do when you are on the recieving end.
Accept it gladly and walk off??? Can you be that selfish???
Or simply reciprocate??? Reciprocate to what???
The goodness!!! Yep, the goodness, I guess.

But you cant just keep reciprocating all the damn time....can you???
You got more gut than that. You can be equally giving.....
So should you walk a few steps further.....
But, where??? With whom???
You dont even know if they want to walk along.

Ive been getting so many random and volatile thoughts all the damn time.........
Perhaps its not worth it.....Or maybe it is!!!

Its like you meet a new person, and he gives you a whole new perspective....
and then you are all so awed by it.
You move on, and you meet another new person,
and there he is with all his interpretations which are almost good enough
to make you have yet another new perspective and trash the old one........

Damn, what do you hold on to!!!
What do you believe???
Is the entire world a bunch of liars.......
Are they all metculously planning each move to make you fall into their trap.....
Is your victim really worth such time and effort......

Am I hallucinating or are they???

Times up....I got to go.

You have a Beau day :-)