Of love, lust, moksha and other desires….

So, I watched Samsara this weekend.
*I may give out the plot, so read at your own risk.*

A beautiful movie directed by Pal Nalin, set in the blissful beauty of Ladakh. It’s a simple story about a Buddhist monk who cannot withhold his attraction for a beautiful woman.

A battle between the body and the soul, the sensual over the spiritual!!!
A fascinating tale that quenches the thirst of a few answers within…….

How can you renounce the desires that you have never known?
Buddha lived a normal life till 29 years.

(And you’ve always wanted to ask that one question above.)

The monk leaves the confines of the monastery to fulfil his desires in the illusionary endless samsara. He goes through an entire circle of life as he experiences the worldly pleasures derived from love, sex, marriage and materialism. But it’s only his lust and greed that increases manifolds. His lustful desires are endless…………and he is forced by them to betray.

Do you satisfy a thousand desires or conquer just one?

(That’s a good enough question with an answer for the time being!)

Confusion and misery creeps in the very soul of his. And he decides to move away from the samsara, back to the eternal. Unlike Buddha, he is faced by his wife who leaves him with a swarm of questions………before she bids him a dignified adieu.

Did anyone ever think of Rahul and his wife, Yashodhara?
Perhaps she wanted to walk the path of enlightenment too….
But she chose to sacrifice it all for the sake of her son.

What would she have told Rahul every time he inquired about his father?

Who knows if she lived an entire life of loneliness and bitterness?
We know she lived as an ascetic…
But who knows if she may have attained her enlightenment too?

(Yeah, these are my question too!!! Isnt a woman always expected to perform a series of sacrifices as a part of her duty! And lo, she does it all so well!!!)

If you love anything with true passion, faith and honesty……..
whatever it maybe……….moksha can be yours in this very lifetime!!!
Else even a series of lifetimes would not prove enough...

(How true!!! If love isn’t pure, it's not worth pursuing anyway!!!)

Morphing thru time.....

No updates, random or otherwise.....
Nothing to cheer about,
No reason to celebrate
Nor the will to put you down.

No questions,
No doubts.
No why did you,
followed by your lies.

No memories…..
No tears, no smiles.
I am simply.....
morphing through time!!!

Nothing Else Matters!!!

Am not the kind who’s gonna keep a check on her emotions, and control the most innocent and simplest of my desires.

I mean, what the heck am I living for????

Yep you hear people talk of right living, right blah blah…. Is there really any of it???? Does anyone around us ever seem to be practicing it…. And if at all, are they happy and leading the lives they want to????? And I am not talking of ethics and values here…. It’s about the very basic expressions and emotions….

I have never understood, Why is it wrong to just say it when you love someone… And why is it such a flaw to rebel for a cause…. I mean, we are all humans for heavens sake….. And we are all here to explore….. Discover…self discover…..

But yeah all said and done….Contrary to my beliefs….. Emotions vanish and numbness prevails Naaaaah….emotions NEVVVVERRRRRRRR help!!!! And Expressions make it worse….

The moment you tell someone you love them, And you reeeeaaaaalllllllllly love them….. They’ve packed their bags and are set on an ego trip….. And you are reduced to this insignificant miniscule of a thing…. Everyone hates you and condemns you anyway, they can’t stand the dare and the mind that speaks you…..

And slowly you detest you for being you…

Every bond hurts,

Memories pain

As you wipe them off forever…

You lock and dump all emotions…

And forgetting them seems better.

Life is confusing at times!!! You don’t know where you hailed from… And where you are heading and All this to and fro… Can throw you off the hook…. You try endlessly to be all in control….And you are this indifferent being… You can’t handle it another time… And you better be on guard…. So what….you are only a bit lifeless!!! But you are at peace…..

Do you know? No matter how hard you try, Someone would come your way, Reconstruct that lost belief…. Throw you off guard… And you are all set to oscillate once again…… And this time your emotions would be wild, Like they are dancing on a trapezium…..As they get that extra push from the invisible springs within….

You would say what you don’t mean to say, Or you’d say everything and anything.....And mean to say… You have nothing to rely on…Your experiences are lost, Your beliefs don’t exist…… No one understands you…. Cause you don’t understand yourself anymore….

Honey, this is life…… And there’s everyone….. And there’s one you!!!! You and they… Get tested and tormented everyday…… The stronger you are…. Harder the blow… Don’t build façades and don’t lock up you…..And dare you even doubt yourself……..you are god’s gift to you….

It’s okay to be crazy sometimes…. And it’s okay to be broken…. Trapeziums can be fun…And oscillations can lead some place new.. Every day is a lesson and ....Silly, every day is a new you :-)))))

Girl Interrupted!!!

Was I ever crazy?
Maybe.........
Or maybe life is...
Crazy isn't being broken.....
or swallowing a dark secret....
It's you or me amplified!!!

- Sussana Kaysen (Girl interrupted!!!)

The Butterfly Effect!!! (I stole your title....but I needed it)

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked Sita. She simply smiled. I repeated my question and she started to blurt out something. I was already lost in my own thoughts by then, oblivious to what was happening around me.

It seemed like a while ago when he had entered into my life. Eight months and twenty two days to be precise. I did not want a new entrant who could potentially disturb the harmony that I had created around me. He was different; he did not follow a methodology. He had seen me somewhere and he later revealed that he had felt an instant connection. He simply had to pursue this. I did not know if I could consider myself lucky or just go with the flow. I did not make a choice; I just went with the flow.

We exchanged the stories of our life and indulged in endless discussions. Our discussions varied from our childhood stories, family pressures on our choice of our careers and so on. We also discussed our past relationships and our varied experiences resulting from it. Our conversations moved on from sharing aspects of ourselves as we gradually started to talk about our daily routines. We often had a lot of brick bating sessions on some of our common acquaintances followed by mindless conversations to make the other laugh. It was a perfect friendship.

Can perfection be attained?
I think perfection is an ongoing process and we are always striving for it.
It’s like diabetes. You have to maintain the right levels of sugar in order to be fit.
In fact, perfection has to be maintained once something beautiful has been created. Perfection is a relative concept and it is defined distinctly by the individual mind.

Sadly, the definitions of perfection for both of us varied. We reached a state of equilibrium, but always drifted as we lacked clarity of each others expectations. My extreme emotions of love and hate disturbed us immensely which resulted from my lack of clarity. Yet, we always got back together as if we were tied to each other by an umbilical chord leading to an eternal connection.

Perfection doesn’t last forever. So didn’t our perfect friendship. Were we ever perfect? Is perfection defined by design of one’s destiny? Can we create perfection? According to the Bhagwad Gita, everything we experience is specially designed for us to become better human beings and understand the purpose of our life. Have I understood the purpose of my life and have I become a better human being? Or am I going to be more cynical with each passing day as all the perfection goes down the drain? I don’t know.
Life is a chaos!

Ram entered the class. He threw a chalk at me. I came back to the real world and I looked at Sita who was smiling innocently.

Then my eyes met the butterfly drawn on the board, as Ram went on to explain,

“We think we live in a chaos and perhaps we will never understand the dynamics of it. The truth is that there is no such thing as chance, but patterns we can’t understand. A flapping of a small Butterfly’s wing in the west can cause a tornado in the east. We may spend our entire life wondering what caused it. Chaos has its way; everything and everyone will find their true course.”

IRIS!!!

Pyre!!!

(As written more than 14 years ago!!!)
When I was up in the heaven,
I asked God one day,
Give me a Body,
A companion;
To be with me,
My Soul

I came down to this earth,
To love life -
With my Beautiful body
And my Soul

I scarred my body
And slashed it;
Granted I took it for

Then one fine day,
I begged God,
To call me,
To give me death

And when I finally died -
My ugly Body burnt,
And all that was left of me,
Was my Beautiful Soul!!!