Ummm… I’ve got this constant memory flash thing happening today of the same time last year. I was dressing up in my red lehnga, a beautiful red (my second most loved attire!) for my cousin’s wedding (she and I were real close a long time ago!). Red happens to be my favourite colour, of course black precedes (but I am almost bored with it, my entire wardrobe is black!!). I wore a small black bindi too. I remember I was constantly on the phone and mom was screaming at me like mad, but heck, my mom’s the sweetest person on this whole god damned planet!I looked nice (for a change:ppp) because I got numerous nodding glances from all kind of relatives and compliments from friends. They aren’t like the most generous people when it comes to appreciating, so maybe….I did look nice after all! The farm was decked up beautifully too, with those tinkling lights dangling on the trees and the walls of the bungalow, almost making me feel (just like every time I was there:-) as if I was amongst a thousand stars. I did not admire this farm too much, but this day was different. The breeze was sweet smelling and I was SO happy. It was magical, wasn’t it?
Btw, next day was also my birthday. A day that keeps me anxious, real anxious! I’ve always managed to feel special somehow, on most of my Bdays. In my childhood days, my dad was fond of celebrating my birthday and would always arrange a grand party and all that jazz. And then later, it became a habit to make these great plans months before the day would arrive. I’ve always know exactly what I’d like my mom-dad to give me and I’d make it a point to get it before my birthday. Somehow, I've always managed to get all my friends together and have a real REAL Blast!
Anyway, that is like history now. One of my best friends (who’s also like, gone real crazy since he’s on his own now and rocking quite a bit as far as his career goes) came over for the wedding. He’s crazy, trust me! A few minutes after 12 and when everyone was done with wishing me and stuff, he forced me to sneak out of the wedding (my first cousin's weding, can you beat that!). He'd got Vodka as a surpise (haha!) and drove me down to Gurgaon. We picked up a few more of our friends and then we all went dancing, and I was of course still in my RED lehnga (I am sure my other friends were embarassed BIG time!). I had a major crush on this guy who played the music in the pub that we went to. I liked him for his wild hair:-) We partied till early morning and before the vidai ceremony was done, I was thankfully back, and was quite sober! Anyway, since it was my Birthday, I was spared for my absence... Haha! Birthdays are a wonderful thing:-))))
Off late, I kinda miss this friend of mine, cause he’s not there to accompany me for all those amazing things we did together like the breakfasts we went for after yakking the entire night, driving together to work and then back home, standing and gossiping in front of his house till sunrise, partying out almost every second day etc etc ……well, he’s a busy guy now! He’s got his career rocking and hence, no time!
This year on my Birthday, I SO want to vanish somewhere… a lot has changed since then! Infact almost everything! I don’t feel the anxiety anymore, I feel nothing. Perhaps I’ve already grown a year older. I don't think I want anything from mom-dad. I don’t want to go out and party. I am okay if some of my friends forget to wish me. I dont care if it's not made special. All I want to do, really REALLY want to do is pray for more love, truth and peace:-)
